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CONTRIBUTION · 31st August 2010
Dave Brocklebank
This is for the over 50 generation:

I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of every thing except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating". You would think that she could be nicer.. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, “No, but I do toot a lot."

Dave Brocklebank is a Director of the Regional District of the Kitimat-Stikine, representing the areas of Telegraph Creek and Iskut.

Rumours of his demise are greatly exaggerated.

My God - Lighten up
Comment by Dave Brocklebank on 8th September 2010
This is a humour column - most everything here is copied and passed on from other sources
This is not original from me.
If you have no sense of humour why bother reading the submissions??????
In agreement
Comment by Walter Fricke on 2nd September 2010
I have to agree with the writer. How many people can't live or breathe without technology? Way too many is my guess. Instead of looking things up on the fly, I try to learn about it beforehand. Remember the old adage; forewarned is forearmed. I've never owned a microwave oven, and still see no point in having one. I just plan my food ahead of time, kinda like all the generations before me did. Cellphone in my pocket all the time! Not a chance. My life is my life, not for other folks to interrupt or disturb me whenever.
over 70
Comment by James Wold on 1st September 2010
I am 72 and I can understand Dave and his fustration with all this tecnology it is far over my head to . I am terrified at the fact that I plan on attending a meeting at the Reginal Dictrict office and Dave won't remember me or remember why or what we will be talking about as we are approching the fall rainy season. Hang in there Dave as this is as good as it gets as I don't see it getting any better.
Oh for the simple life!
Comment by Marlene on 1st September 2010
My husband and I just talked about this! We agree, and although we have some of the gadgets, most often cannot find them. ( YAH!)

death and taxes
Comment by Kory Botz on 1st September 2010
I couldn't imagine not having a Microwave for my pizza pops. I don't even answer the home line, if somebody needs to get ahold of me they will phone me on my cell phone (in my pocket). I love that at any moment i can "Google" or "Wikipedia" anything i want and have the amalgamation of all human knowledge at my fingertips... unfortunately all the Bull$#!& too! But you gotta take the good with the bad i guess. I Love how the older i get, the tv's keep getting bigger so i don't have to wear the eyeglasses my optometrist said i should start wearing. But i guess theres just one other constant beside's death and taxes...change!

Bunny ears are what i make over my friends heads in pictures...Black and White TV? I never heard of that brand?

Comment by Ronald States on 31st August 2010
So, are we supposed to good heartedly laugh at Dave's admission of being inept at 50?

I will tell you the trick to understanding things in the digital age; make an effort! The home computer has been around for over 30 years! If you think it's too hard now, 30 years ago you would have felt like you were in the Matrix had you tried to to use a word processor or simply copy a file without a mouse or graphical interface.

It doesn't take someone exceptionally gifted to understand how to use a GPS or Cell phone, it just takes someone willing to read the included instructions and give it a try. A 50 year old saying they can't do it today probably wonders why stores kept selling VCR's that only flash 12:00.

I'm glad someone thinks it's funny technology is leaving them behind. The less polite among us are laughing at you, the more polite among us are shaking our heads.
Great read
Comment by Linda Haines on 31st August 2010
LOL Thanks for the chuckle!! I'm not quite at the 50 mark but I can so relate with it all. Wonderful to read some funny stuff, I needed that today :)
Thank you
Comment by Ann Hofer on 31st August 2010
Thank you so much, you made me giggle. I am only 30 but after a many complains of my friends, family and employees I just agreed to a Cell Phone so my they all can reach me at all times.... Also never been on Tweeter and newer to Facebook again for my Friends and Family in Europe... I hear you. Thank you it was a pleasure to read your thoughts on the todays overloaded technology. Which also slightly scares me for my young children.